The days leading up for July 21st are fully of curiosity for me. I am praying and preparing in all the ways that I know how. It is difficult for me to imagine how God is going to provide what I need financially in such a short period of time.
Currently I have also been asked to hold off on applying for my travel Visa by Tim. He wants to check my reference to make sure that I am someone the church wants on the trip :) I have not heard from him in about a week.
During my personal devotion time I have been reading through the Bible using a reading plan from a book called The Divine Mentor. Not many days ago I reading the story of Elisha, who was sent to live in the wilderness by a brook while a drought from God ravaged the land. God sent birds to feed Elisha each day and he drank from the brook. The verses say that when the brook dried up, God spoke to Elisha and sent him to a widow in a village to look after him.
I have clung to the picture created in these verses. I have visualized Elisha sitting by a brook, watching it dry up little by little, holding onto faith that God would provide. I watch the ground turn browner and drier and see Elisha wondering how much water will even be left by the time God redirects him. I imagine the doubt and fear he could have encountered as he maybe took less to drink each day despite his thirst. I do not know how God is going to provide...but I have every confidence that He is able and that my life is His. If God does not provide, I will not be able to go. When He does provide, He will be the reason alone that I go...in more ways than one.
The number one question that I am asked by people I share my story with is "why Russia?" I even had a friend recently tell me that "of all the places in the world that I could be called to serve God in, Russia is probably the last place on earth I would choose." I love the question "why Russia" and hate it all at the same time. I hate it because I don't have a well thought answer and, without intention, tend to answer by shrugging my shoulders. I love it, though, because my lack of a reason reminds me of the TRUE reason for it all. If God were not doing in me the things that He is- calling me, providing for me, filling me with new desires- Russia is an adventure I would pass by. I like to laugh and say, "I wish I had a beautiful answer about how much I love the people of Russia and how it has been life long dream to serve God in foreign missions." I'm just not that brave or wonderful. I timidly gave an the answer to one friend, "because I love Jesus (?)", even asking it as a question more than giving it as an answer. After I added, "and I believe He is asking me to," she smiled and said, "Good. Because you can love Jesus right here."
As I have begun to think about and study the history and culture of Russia I became more and more intimidated. Russia is a far cry from the Ugandan culture that Katie Davis describes in book (Kisses from Katie). It is not known for friendliness or atmosphere of joy. I was even told by one of my Nebraska roommates that "when you go to Russia, do NOT smile at people. I was FREAKED OUT when I first came to the United States and everyone was smiling. We don't do that in Russia."
Russia has a history of repression and oppression of the people executed through incredible manipulation and fear. Atheism dominated as a forced state policy for decades. Alcoholism defines life for many of the people and the orphaned and abandoned children of Russia are essentially unwanted. Over a short period of time, this reality began to have an effect on my attitude and faith. I came to the point of verbalizing, "if there ever were a truly hopeless place, Russia has got to be it." I began to operate in a CLASSIC Shannon mindset, telling myself 'this trip can not be about results...because you probably won't see any. You just need to be sure of calling and cling to God." I have a solid history of guarding myself against disappointment by keeping low expectations and visualizing mediocre outcomes. Its just about as delightful as it sounds but has been a somewhat successful coping strategy for many years- at least in terms of living a safeguarded life.
Currently I have also been asked to hold off on applying for my travel Visa by Tim. He wants to check my reference to make sure that I am someone the church wants on the trip :) I have not heard from him in about a week.
During my personal devotion time I have been reading through the Bible using a reading plan from a book called The Divine Mentor. Not many days ago I reading the story of Elisha, who was sent to live in the wilderness by a brook while a drought from God ravaged the land. God sent birds to feed Elisha each day and he drank from the brook. The verses say that when the brook dried up, God spoke to Elisha and sent him to a widow in a village to look after him.
I have clung to the picture created in these verses. I have visualized Elisha sitting by a brook, watching it dry up little by little, holding onto faith that God would provide. I watch the ground turn browner and drier and see Elisha wondering how much water will even be left by the time God redirects him. I imagine the doubt and fear he could have encountered as he maybe took less to drink each day despite his thirst. I do not know how God is going to provide...but I have every confidence that He is able and that my life is His. If God does not provide, I will not be able to go. When He does provide, He will be the reason alone that I go...in more ways than one.
The number one question that I am asked by people I share my story with is "why Russia?" I even had a friend recently tell me that "of all the places in the world that I could be called to serve God in, Russia is probably the last place on earth I would choose." I love the question "why Russia" and hate it all at the same time. I hate it because I don't have a well thought answer and, without intention, tend to answer by shrugging my shoulders. I love it, though, because my lack of a reason reminds me of the TRUE reason for it all. If God were not doing in me the things that He is- calling me, providing for me, filling me with new desires- Russia is an adventure I would pass by. I like to laugh and say, "I wish I had a beautiful answer about how much I love the people of Russia and how it has been life long dream to serve God in foreign missions." I'm just not that brave or wonderful. I timidly gave an the answer to one friend, "because I love Jesus (?)", even asking it as a question more than giving it as an answer. After I added, "and I believe He is asking me to," she smiled and said, "Good. Because you can love Jesus right here."
As I have begun to think about and study the history and culture of Russia I became more and more intimidated. Russia is a far cry from the Ugandan culture that Katie Davis describes in book (Kisses from Katie). It is not known for friendliness or atmosphere of joy. I was even told by one of my Nebraska roommates that "when you go to Russia, do NOT smile at people. I was FREAKED OUT when I first came to the United States and everyone was smiling. We don't do that in Russia."
Russia has a history of repression and oppression of the people executed through incredible manipulation and fear. Atheism dominated as a forced state policy for decades. Alcoholism defines life for many of the people and the orphaned and abandoned children of Russia are essentially unwanted. Over a short period of time, this reality began to have an effect on my attitude and faith. I came to the point of verbalizing, "if there ever were a truly hopeless place, Russia has got to be it." I began to operate in a CLASSIC Shannon mindset, telling myself 'this trip can not be about results...because you probably won't see any. You just need to be sure of calling and cling to God." I have a solid history of guarding myself against disappointment by keeping low expectations and visualizing mediocre outcomes. Its just about as delightful as it sounds but has been a somewhat successful coping strategy for many years- at least in terms of living a safeguarded life.
But God has begun to show me a new way. As I was reading the Bible a few nights ago I was stopped in my tracks by a simple story heard many times over throughout my life. It is the story of Elisha who was sent to a widow who was gathering sticks to cook for her and her sons last meal before starvation. Elisha told the woman to go to her neighbors and collect empty vessels- "and none too few" he said. When she had collected them she was instructed to shut herself in the house and begin to pour the last of her drops of oil into the vessels. As she did, oil continued to pour out until she had filled every vessel she had collected. The verses say that "when she had filled the last vessel, the oil stopped pouring." The woman was able to sell the oil and provide for herself and her son.
I was distracted over and over again as I read by the words "and none too few". The woman was going to have as much oil as vessels she collected. Her future wealth was dependent on what she was able to gather by faith. I thought of my own low expectations for Russia and began to pray in a repentant way. I confessed to God my sin of labeling Russia a "hopeless" place and asked him to fill my heart with "empty vessels of expectation", that I might believe God for the powerful things He will do. I have asked God to give me an imagination and a vision for the ways he can use me in Russia and daily practice retraining my thought patterns in this way. I have decided that
I would rather be experience disappointment and confusion than see less demonstrations of power for my lack of faith.
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